Mascot for #DevilDiss

Mascot for #DevilDiss
Mascot for #DevilDiss

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Limbo

Limbo (noun) A region or condition of oblivion or neglect.
This is where I am. It's a place that requires patience, and I have always been short on that.

So you spend months researching and working on a project, you pour all this energy into something, and then send it out into the great unknown. And then you wait. And wait. And wait. There are some days when you're too busy to think about it. Then you have the days when it's all you can think about.
I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but part of me feels as though it's a little worse for me (I know, I know, self-centered). I have no sphere of reference for any of this. I have no support system for this, no friends who are going through the same thing, no mentors to ask.
So here's what I've done...
  • You spend money you don't really have at Staples to get the paper, envelopes
  • You make sure everything is formatted to the wacky specifications
  • You print out everything. Check it, double check it, panic before putting it in the envelope, panic after you've put it in the envelope
  • Mail it out
  • Wait
And now here's where I am...
  • What is considered a "normal" wait time?
  • What happens next? If it's not accepted, do you take it nonchalantly and realize it's a percentage game? Move on to the next option? What is the next option?
  • How do you balance the confidence of thinking you're good, with the bone crushing despair that you're not going to make it?
Here's the end goal:
  • Scholarly articles published. Not because I have to, but because I want to.
  • Reviews published regularly in different journals. I can turn them around pretty fast, so I'd love to be a couple of journals' "go to" girl.
  • Full time employment at the college level. I prefer community colleges from the research I've done. I like the mission statements, the populations that are served.
  • A better quality of life. This means less work stress, being able to focus on the teaching and not the babysitting, more time with Nehi, not juggling three (okay four) jobs, not being bored, being with a group of like minded people, intelligent conversations with peers.
I think I'm doing everything I can. I can't think of anything else I can do, or that I can work any harder than I already am (as my tiredness proves). I guess in Limbo, you just have to wait and see and hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

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